Why the RIAA and Viacom should be gang raped by a pack of rabid sperm whales

28 03 2007

Your Codefairy is in a snit. No, not your normal, run of the mill pithy bitch fit, but a full on el encierro rage of a pithy bitch fit. You see the RIAA and Viacom do not get it. So let your Codefairy explain it in terms that even a media executive, if by executive you mean some dry drunk with severe frontal lobe damage from snorting coke off the firm buns of Mexicalli whores, could understand.

Once again your Codefairy knows a weeeee bit about psychobiology. The human brain craves and thrives on content and content is what the RIAA and Viacom have. The Codefairy remembers traveling through the Grateful Dead’s vaults looking at the original tapes of Jerry Garcia playing at the Santa Cruz folk-life festival in 1958. Now understand, dearest readers, that your Codefairy has never done nearly enough sugar-cubes to appreciate the Dead and spinning in tie-dyes only makes her want to ralph (both spinning and tye-dyes), but she appreciates the value of a true cultural artifact.

Now, there are some songs that make the Codefairy’s juices flow, compositions that cause orgasms that could only be replicated by a device involving truly serious horsepower like A Perfect Circle’s devastating version of Imagine, Nina Simone’s (or Bowies for that matter) Wild is the Wind, or Schubert’s (Unfinished) Symphony No. 8.

This tale involves a rare delight by the super-group composed of John Wetton and the two terminal hotties: Terry Bozio and Eddie Jobson. The song on U.K.’s second album is Rendezvous 6:02. If one searches for this ascendent piece on Youtube, you will find the following links, one of John Wetton with Geof Downes in some kind of lame Asia rehash and the other a grainy live performance obviously saved by some perceptive fan. Watch these videos, feel the music, the poly-rhythms, the shear artistry that went into this work. The base lines make one’s private parts tingle and would have been banned by Tipper Gore (Al’s TRUE anchor fastened firmly to his gal-bladder). The media and format suck, but this is the best that you can do. Even in these formats, your Codefairy falls frothing to the floor in pentultimate pleasure.

The videos on Youtube are put up either by fans who have third generation copies of copies or the artists themselves. In the former, there is a huge business model by providing the high quality equivalent the ‘fan’ vids. With the latter, they have competition, but that is what competition is all about. And it would be harder than hell to compete with John Wetton, Eddie Jobson and Terry ‘gawd what biceps’ Bozzio, particularly when the latter were so freakin’ hot (Modest Mouse eat your hearts out).

That is the key, but it fucks with these ‘executives’ limited business minds. They only have one mantra: one talentless artist sold to everyone per week. They have spreadsheets to prove IT:

One artist, six million, a few hotel rooms, some cheap Mexicalli hookers, some blow. Sell it to everyone on earth (6.2 billion and counting) for 20 bucks. Then repeat next week. Profit: 6.4 Trillion and change per annum. Way more than necessary to buy quality hookers and really, really, good blow and, like, every congress critter every born (congress critters are notoriously cheap).

However, if the artist is talented, customers will listen again and again and they may wait several weeks before buying another recording. This COMMUNIST act reduces the take by an order of magnitude so the ‘executives’ must hire slimy (but way more expensive than congress critters) lawyers to clog up the courts trying to kill any resemblance of creativity, artistry and, hence, resiliency of music.

This, dear readers, is why these ‘executives’ should be raped by not just rabid sperm whales but rotting rabid sperm whales with a good chance of an ultimately satisfying explosion which is a climax worthy of Nina Simone.


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17 04 2007
Kitty

will there be more for us? mmew

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